Dr. Noire, Introduction

For those who knew Evilzone, knows that it was a unique place from the beginning. We had a nice community, active staff.
One of the things that made it so were an inside joke (there might have been a few, but I don’t quite remember the rest of them) that new people didn’t catch at the very start, but if they searched a bit, the whole story would unfold.

The joke over time transformed into a story and became a way to greet new people. One of the new people that joined Evilzone was a starting writer named Recon, and he liked the joke so much that he made a (short?) 14 chapter novel about it calling it “Dr. Noire”. Ironically the last chapter was published in 2014… actually the whole novel was made through the year 2014.

I loved the novel, so I saved all of it, and I’m going to post it here one chapter a day. Why did I wait for so long? well, honestly I didn’t think of posting it and I also had forgotten about it too…
So I suppose now with Evilzone being put to rest, it’s OK to explain what the whole thing was beforehand…

How it started I cannot remember, the main character dr. m0rph derived from one of the oldfags – m0rph.
Idea was that dr. m0rph had a room called 32b at the start, but later “he moved” to 34c. Room 32b was up the stairs, down the hall and to the left (as we would tell them, for 34c the directions changed, but I can’t remember them :P), where he was doing prostate checks for members and all new members had to see him (it was mandatory), because Evilzone only accepted people that have a healthy prostate… (don’t ask why it had to be a prostate :D).
He was doing so with the help of a device called “The Jixster” – few images of this device were made up to further make the story :P
Later a new character named Ivan joined the story, he derived from a member named lucid, and Ivan was a doctor’s minion.

So that’s the general idea, there were more of it, but it branched out quite a lot. There were few threads by newcomers asking about what it was and they would get even more confused when they got an answer, because all of the member were in on it :D
There were also few threads explaining the whole thing, but in a story-type of way:D

I remember when Evilzone released the first (and last) issue of an ezine called EvilZine, on page 31 it had one such story written there with images. Lucky for me I still have it, so here’s that story :P :

——
Room 32B is a mystery for many members. They are confused even if they are given precise directions, such as to go up the stairs, down the hall and to the left. Dr. m0rph is there waiting for you to come. Untrained and uncertified, he is the best in his field of prostate examinations.

Prostate examinations, that happen in room 32B, are mandatory for all new male members. Room origins are largely unknown however the Evilzone conspiracy theorists speculate that it was built sometime a few months ago. Taking a look at some of the experience reports in the Evilzone feedback archive a few months back we noticed room 32B’s activity at a high point.

As well as many other members advocating room existence, Dr. m0rph is a great doctor, albeit absolutely uncertified and uneducated. So if you haven’t been there you really need to pay a visit. It’s on the third floor to the left. As said before it IS mandatory unless you possess a grease purse. If not, further avoidance will be punished severely.

What happens behind the sound-proof doors when you go in is unknown as it is frowned upon to speak of personal experiences in the room but it will be a memory you will never forget. Dr m0rph secretly mentions the feeling is similar to having a porcupine, three pine cones and a Super Shredder from the ninja turtles, rocket launched into your anus with a total force of 5.2 G’s.

How that is done is very unknown to the masses, because those who had felt it, never wishes to speak of it. Some evidence suggests the secret contraption is called “AccuPuncher 3000” aka “Jixster Extreme” aka “The Jixster” aka “Jack the Jixster” and it is truly a force to be reckoned with and some photos exist as a proof of its existence. Not much proof exists because of the secrecy and room guardians.
——
And here are some historical images:

And that is all. I hope you’ll also enjoy the story. And I hope that Recon will see this one day and contact me, because why not :D

2 comments

  1. noob-en says:

    It tore me up. WTF! happened to EZ,it was all too good, i guess. Anyways, I see Ande is giving it another go.So are you in on it again kulver? or….?? and if you are could you please tell me who else is on.

    I can’t wait to see you guys to start rowing up again. I really miss EZ. It was one of the few places I could go to and learn something and have fun…nothing like it anymore.

  2. Kulverstukas says:

    Hello noob-en, nice to hear some encouraging words :) but I’m afraid it is the end.
    I’m not in on it, AFAIK no one else is either, so I don’t know what ande is planning and what is the future of EvilZone.

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